How will I know when ‘it’s time’?

Preparing to say goodbye to a beloved pet is a big emotional battle for us to experience as pet guardians. There’s a common myth that you will ‘just know’ or that your pet ‘will tell you’ when it’s time. While for some people this is true, for many people it isn’t. 

Being unsure about whether euthanasia is the right choice for your pet is completely okay. Knowing, or not knowing, when it’s time is absolutely not a reflection of how much you love your pet or how well you know them. After all, if you didn’t love them and want the best for them, would you even be asking the question in the first place?

If you are the caregiver of a pet who is nearing the end of their life, and you feel conflicted about what’s right for your pet, the following considerations might be helpful.

Your pet is an individual. 

Every pet and situation is different. You know your pet better than anyone. So while the advice from family or friends can be helpful, especially if they can have emotional objectivity, it’s also important to not let it make you feel guilty or pressured to take any particular course of action.

Pets live in the moment.

Pets might know the exact time their dinner should be served. But, unlike us, they don’t sit and reflect on their favourite days, and they don’t wonder about the future. They live in the moment. This means that when trying to assess a pet's quality of life, recognising how they feel in the present is the best way to see the world through their eyes.

Ask yourself important questions.

• Why do I think it might be time to say goodbye?

• What are my fears and concerns about euthanasia?

• Whose interests, besides those of my pet, am I taking into account?

• Am I making this decision because it is best for my pet or because I’m not ready to let go?
   

Ways to assess your pet's quality of life.

Often, the essential question we ask ourselves is whether our pet still has a good quality of life. It can be a difficult question to answer as we weigh up many aspects of our pet’s comfort and happiness in day-to-day life. But there are a few things to consider that can help to bring clarity to the situation. 

• The rule of five good things can be helpful. All you need to do is write down your pet's five favourite things to do. When they can no longer do three or more of those things, it’s fair to say their quality of life has been impacted.

• A good vs bad days calendar can also be a useful tool. Pets often have good and bad days as they progress through old age or illness. You can start keeping track of good days vs bad days by marking them on a calendar. Remembering that pets live in the present, it might be time to consider euthanasia when your pet is having more bad days than good ones. 

• The HHHHHMM scale for assessment created by Dr. Alice Villalobos is a fantastic tool for analysing a pet's quality of life. The HHHHHMM scale uses straightforward, practical questions to examine the important aspects of a pet's comfort and happiness in detail, resulting in a quality of life ‘score’. You can repeat the assessment as your pet ages or their health deteriorates and find reassurance in the decisions you’re making in your pet's best interest.

• Having a vet that you’re comfortable with is also really helpful. If you can have open discussions about how your pet is doing and what is and isn’t possible for their care, then you’ll be in a great position to make decisions. Having financial limitations doesn’t mean that your pet will suffer. Being up front with a vet about finances will mean that they present you with the options that are within reach and prioritise your pet's wellbeing. 

Goodbyes don’t need to be sad for your pet.

Take comfort in knowing that your pet is blissfully unaware and unafraid. For them, a euthanasia appointment isn’t any different than times when they’ve seen their vet for other procedures, and you can be there with them right until the end if you’re comfortable with this. Plus, there are many things that you can do both on the day and in the lead-up that will make their last day a beautiful send-off rather than a sad goodbye. 

• If your pet doesn’t like visiting the vet, then having a vet come to your home for your euthanasia appointment might be nicer. There are even vets who specialise in palliative care and in-home euthanasia. Your pet can be in a familiar setting, surrounded by their favourite toys, chilling on their favourite bed, with a few snacks close by. The procedure itself won’t differ, but your pet might feel more comfortable. In some cases, the health or demeanour of your pet might make home euthanasia an impractical or unsafe choice. If you’re unsure, you can discuss this with your vet when booking your appointment and seek a dedicated home euthanasia vet if required.

• In the lead-up to your pet’s euthanasia appointment, you can create a day filled with all their favourite things. If your pet loves the car, take them on a little drive. If they’re still physically able to go for a walk or visit a favourite spot, like the beach or the park, then do this. You can even take a picnic to give them some relaxing time. Play with their favourite toys or spoil them with a new toy. If they love a particular food that they’re not allowed to eat, this is their chance. Not to mention showering your pet with cuddles, pats and all the love they can absorb. The possibilities are endless, and your pet’s best day ever can be as unique as they are!

• Treats and spoils right before are also great ways to make sure your pet's final moments are joyful and stress-free for them. Having a delicious treat while the vet does their thing is a great distraction and keeps your pet happy right until the end!

• Another great idea is to consider your choices and decide on your wishes ahead of time. Having a plan in place beforehand so that you’re not rushed to make decisions if your pet suddenly deteriorates will allow you to be there for your pet and not feel flustered or distracted.

Your pet lives on through cherished memories.

The time immediately following losing a pet can be incredibly difficult. Even if you’ve prepared yourself, the emotion of it all can come as a shock. You might think you’ll feel okay, and then find that your tears simply won’t stop. Or you might be expecting to feel devastated and somehow find that you’re feeling alright. There are so many factors that can impact how we grieve, and the intensity of the bond we shared with our pet is only one part of the puzzle. 

However you feel in the days and weeks that follow saying goodbye, it’s important to be gentle with yourself and accept that whatever form your grief takes, it’s normal and okay. It’s also worth knowing that there is support available if you need it. You might find comfort in reading our article: What comes after goodbye.

The love that makes saying goodbye so hard is the same love that created the wealth of memories we keep in our minds. While at first, it can be impossible to recall precious moments with our pets without heartache. Over time, we heal and carry the weight of our loss more manageably. As this happens, we can honour the bond that we shared with our furry, feathered and scaled family members by allowing them to live on in our hearts and minds.

Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva, Andrew Neel, beytlik and Polina Tankilevitch via Pexels.